


Not Okay, Boomer

by valda



Series: The Deaths of Allegiant General Pryde [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Dialogue Heavy, Epistolary, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, Kylo Ren Is Intern Randy, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Character Death, Paperwork
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:42:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24845497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valda/pseuds/valda
Summary: While operating undercover as "Intern Randy," Supreme Leader Kylo Ren murders Allegiant General Enric Pryde. General Armitage Hux demands he fill out an incident form. This leads to some surprising revelations.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren
Series: The Deaths of Allegiant General Pryde [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1794328
Comments: 38
Kudos: 147





	Not Okay, Boomer

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to Tumblr [here](https://cosleia.tumblr.com/post/621561806365835264/a-request-from-twigbelly-on-twitter-if-someone).

> INCIDENT REPORT  
> Date of incident:  
> Time of incident:

“Hux. I’m _Supreme Leader_. I don’t need to fill out paperwork about this.”

“I’m sorry, Ren, but at the time of the incident you were _not_ the Supreme Leader. You were moonlighting as an intern, and if you wish to continue playing pretend on your off hours, Intern Randy needs to fill out this form.”

“Come on. You like it.”

“...that is immaterial to the issue at hand.”

“If an intern really killed a general, they’d be executed, Hux. This is a murder confession. It’d be better to just leave it alone.”

“It would not. Allegiant General Pryde is dead, and people saw it happen. There needs to be an official story. The Supreme Leader will pardon Randy, of course.”

“...This is ridiculous.”

> Location of incident: intern quarters  
> Nature of incident: accidental death

“ _Accidental_.”

“Yes, accidental.”

“I didn’t know grabbing someone by the back of the neck and slamming their head through a caf table could be done accidentally.”

“You want me to fill this out or not?”

“By all means, continue.”

> Person(s) involved in incident: intern randy, allegiant general pryde

“You should have used full names.”

“That is Randy’s full name.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“I mean, does he _need_ a last name? All he does is suck General Hux’s dick.”

“...I suppose not. In truth, he doesn’t really need a name at all, does he? Well, go on, then.”

> Description of incident: general pryde said something he should not have. general pryde should not have been in the intern quarters anyway. general pryde’s disloyalty was dealt with.

“You’ll need to be more specific than that, Randy.”

“For fuck’s sake, Hux.”

> general pryde’s head smashed into a caf table and he died.

“No, not that part. Back up a bit.”

“Back up?”

“Yes. To the part where he said something he shouldn’t.”

“...you want that on public record?”

“It doesn’t matter what _I_ want, Ren. The record must be complete.”

“If you say so...”

> general pryde said he could help ambitious interns become officers. he leered at everyone and put his hands on his hips and pushed his pelvis out like a creep. he said

“...are you sure?”

“I’m absolutely certain.”

> he said general hux had ‘taken advantage of his generosity’ and that’s how he became a general, which was NOT true.

“Can I add something else?”

“Is it relevant?”

“I think it is.”

“Fine.”

> general hux would never have been interested in whatever gross, ugly, old-ass, shriveled-up thing general pryde has in his pants.

“You’re laughing.”

“It’s just—very well said, Ren.”

> general pryde was stupid and useless. he wasn’t worthy to even look at general hux.

“...Well. You didn’t need to go so far as to mock me, Ren.”

“I’m not mocking you.”

“How else do you explain what you just wrote?”

“I just wrote what’s true.”

“You mean to tell me you believe that?”

“Yes.”

“...You’ve never said anything like that before.”

“I haven’t?”

“You haven’t.”

“...”

> general hux deserves the entire galaxy. he is strong and brave and beautiful. no one should ever hurt him. ~~I~~ someone hurt him once and they know they can never take it back and

“Ren.”

> I’m sorry. I love you.

“Ren.”

“What.”

“Look at me.”

“...”

“Say it to my face.”

“I’m sorry.”

“...not that. The...other thing.”

“I...love you?”

“Sith hells, are you telling me or asking me?”

“I love you.”

“Say it again.”

“I love you.”

“Again.”

“I love you. I love you. I love— _mmmmph_!”

“Ren—did you—create Randy—because—because you thought—I wouldn’t have you?”

“Yes—Hux—Fuck.”

“I’ve loved you—since the first day—shit—first day I met you. _How_ do you—get this off—”

“There’s a clasp—Hux—Hux—yes—there—”

“I love you—you big oaf—you ridiculous creature—”

“Hux—I love you—I love you—”

“Oh—oh, fuck—”

“Hux, I’m—”

“Ren—!”

“...”

“...”

“...shit, it got on the report.”

“No matter. I wasn’t going to submit it anyway.”

“What.”

“It wasn’t for the records. It was...for me.”

“What? Hey, come back here. What do you mean?”

“I just wanted...evidence. Something to remember it by. Even if it wasn’t real.”

“Hux.”

“Yes. Well.”

“It was real. It _is_ real. You know that now. Right?”

“I. That is. Er.”

“You know. Your face is red.”

“Shut up, Ren.”

“I know you know. But...”

“But what?”

“From now on I’ll prove it to you, every day, just in case.”


End file.
